Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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