HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
