If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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