So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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