Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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