Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
