you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
