omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
