Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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