They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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