So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
