Got a toothbrush?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
