i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
