i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
