I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
