Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
