Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
