There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
