Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
