these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
