Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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