can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
