i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
