Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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