Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
