Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Watching her eat just hurts me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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