im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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