I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
