After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
