CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I came so hard my ears popped.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
