Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
