so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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