You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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