Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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