I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
