if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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