I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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