I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Panties = found
Randomize
