Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
