Ketchup is God's man juice
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
