I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
