i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
