I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
