winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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