he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
