You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
