i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
