oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
