I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's the barista slut.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
