hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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