the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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