Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
