it was like his penis was on wheels.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
