i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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