I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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