I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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