If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
