This is not my ceiling
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
