do herpes really smell.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
