U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
