Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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