My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
