She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
