Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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