Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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