Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize