That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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