Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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