I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
