return my video game
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
