i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
