thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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