there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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