State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
