Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I want a musical about memes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
