sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
